Monday, April 09, 2007

“Honesty is such a lonely word....”.

Let’s talk about honesty and how we, in the general sense define it. And yes...please, please, please, feel free to leave comments, I want you too, I beg of you, your opinions. On with the show.

How do you define honesty, really? And is everyone really 100% honest? As far as I’m concerned, I won’t lie to someone but I also won’t mince words. I do however, take great care in how I approach a subject with another person as my goal is not to hurt that person in any way. Then again, I try like hell not to allow someone to get caught up in the moment as it were and if I do, or if I just don’t pick up on the clues that someone might be into me, then I man up and own up, pronto.

You know, I’ll just flat out give you the example, because it’s just easier that way. I liked someone, a lot, enough for me to open up, yet again, perhaps the timing was all wrong, I don’t know, that’s not the point here. The point is this....the other person, who “is honest”, began talking about spending a lot of time with someone else....I’m not dumb people, I put two and two together and got four. I figured out that she was seeing the other person. So I waited for her to come clean and just tell me, because in my opinion, an honest person would have just said “I have to tell you something”, or, “there’s something I need to tell you”.

Here’s the rub....I had to ask her if she was seeing the other person and only when asked was it confirmed, that yes, she was.

Is honesty selective? Do we, as humans use it when it benefits us? Are half-truths, honest? Is omitting part of the truth, honest? Are words that prove to be empty, honesty?

Seriously....what is it? I welcome your thoughts and opinions on this topic.


Blogger the girl next door said...

Honesty is something that while it seems straightforward, often in so complicated by the indivduals point of view. But you know how I feel about this one already....

6:15 AM  
Blogger Dr. Krista said...

Honesty IS someone's subjective "truth". If I tell the "story" from my perspective ~ that's MY truth. Another person could tell the same story from their perspective and that's their "truth". Is one lying? I believe it becomes willingly dishonest when someone tells a "story" or leaves details out (that would alter the truth) on PURPOSE. With full recognition of the fact that they are leaving things out or adding things to ~ to give a different truth...that's dishonest!

6:34 AM  
Blogger ~Deb said...

100% honesty can hurt. It can literally destroy a good friendship. I do believe that a person is able to love two people at the same time- yet have the conscience to not be with them at the same time. Does that make sense?

"Confusion" can play a huge role as to why someone isn't 100% honest. They don't know what they want, or maybe they're not sure they know 'you' very well... Depends.

I have to totally agree with Dr. Krista's comment. It's someone's 'selective truth'.

You can easily plead the fifth, yet it's not seen as a lie in court.

I hope that helped a little.

7:50 AM  
Blogger dirk.mancuso said...

I think Dr. Krista is right on the money with the whole my truth/your truth thing.

For me, honesty is important -- I am COMPELLED to tell the truth no matter what the consequences -- but even I find there is a certain level of honesty I find acceptable. There is a difference between being honest and being brutally honest without any concern for another's feelings. For example, if we are dating and I am seeing someone else -- I need to tell you that. That is being honest. On the other hand if someone gives me a gift I hate, I will tell them it's "unique" and thank them. There's no reason to purposely hurt someone's feelings when they've taken the time and effort to try and choose a perfect gift for you.

Some things require complete, total 100% honesty, brutal if necessary...others maybe only 50%. The important thing is being able to tell the difference.

8:22 AM  
Blogger J R Estelle said...

Dirk? that's all I asked for..that this person just tell me if they were seeing someone else...not a hard concept.

2:24 PM  

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