5th Grade

Okay, so now that it's been DEMANDED of me (Hi, Bri) to post something new, we'll just move right along to the 5th Grade. But first, I'm getting a Christmas tree this weekend and I watch Charlie Brown's Christmas last night. If you don't watch this...well...you're missing out. Anyway, 5th Grade.

In the 5th Grade, I had Mr. Ahern. He was nicer than Mr. Sutton, that's for damn sure, but he was younger too. I could tell because he didn't have any wrinkles. Mr. Ahern (sometimes we called him Mr. Ahernia - yeah we thought we were funny, like he hadn't heard that a million times before), was tall and had dark brown hair and blue eyes, but his lips were really thin. And, he always wore a belt. We figured out that he and the art teacher, Ms. McDonough were boyfriend and girlfriend and someone got him an Old Spice gift set for Christmas one year. Yeah, that was ME, got a problem?, lol. I sort of had a crush on Mr. Ahern.

Mr. Ahern didn't put up with ANY crap, none, from no one. I think he had a military background too, but I can't remember.

There was this boy in my class named Matt B., who, ready for this, was 16 years old and in the 5th Grade. So of course he was physically bigger than the rest of us and that was kinda cool if he was your friend. I remember one time we were out on the playground and some kid spit on him, so Matt hocked a lugi on him, it was GROSS and HUGE and smelled like coffee. This might be why I don't like coffee. I mean hell, he was the only one old enough to drink it and he smoked too. Bad Boys, Bad Boys, whachu gonna do...anyway, he liked art, alot and was really good at it. So, why was he in the 5th Grade? LAZY. And he got into alot of trouble, because Art wasn't the only thing you had to do. One time, Mr. Ahern made him stand in front of the classroom and hold an Encyclopedia, not a dictionary, but an ENCYCLOPEDIA in each of his hands while he stretched his arms out to his sides, so he looked like this "T", and he had to stand there for 15 minutes. That's a LONG damn time with 2 Encyclopedias as weights. Because Art wasn't the only thing you had to do After some parent complaints, the school tested Matt and moved him to the 11th Grade, where he should have been anyway.

Mr. Ahern also liked to make the boys assume the push up position and hold it until he said time was up. Needless to say, the girls didn't get into much trouble.

This was also the year that I separated my shoulder playing King of the Hill on the snowbank. Did I mention I am a GIRL and the only GIRL to play King of the Hill? No?, well I was. But I did alot of boy things and this was also the year that I tried smoking for the first time, on the football field. It was gross but I did it anyway. I got caught, I got my ass beat by my father (this would not be the first time) and I don't smoke. Thank God for that, serious.

In Mr. Ahern's class we had to give a Demonstrational Speech or an Informative Speech. Mike M. gave an informative one, and stood behind Mr. Ahern's desk, where he proceeded to tear up Mr. Ahern's green blotter, with his hands, because he was so nervous and I could understand why. We all laughed in good fun about that one, even Mr. Ahern.

I gave a Demonstrational Speech on How to Make Homemade Gingerbread. I got all the ingredients ready at home, my grandmother helped me with this, to make sure I had everything. I made copies of the recipe to give to everyone and on the day of the speech (which only had to be 5 minutes long), I carried my cardboard box of ingredients and mixer into the classroom and proceeded to make Gingerbread, which I then took to the Home Ec room in the high school building to bake. I picked it up at a later time and gave everyone a piece, even, Ms. McDonough.

That speech lasted 13 minutes. I got an "A". SO STUFF THAT RACHEL RAY - HA - You got 30 minute meals, I got 30 minute desserts that will feed 32 people. See, I totally missed my true calling.

I really liked the 5th Grade, for many reasons but mostly because that was my first experience with public speaking. It was hard, but I was able to choose something I was good at, and I did a good job with it and I was rewarded with an "A" - which was the only "A" given. (By the way, I made that Gingerbread from memory.) And everyone enjoyed it.

But...because I was not a popular kid, yes, I was the fat kid, with acne, who had "strict" parents, this would not be the last time that I tried to win friends by giving them something, but more on that later.