Friday, November 03, 2006

What Broken Is

When it comes to the word broken, we all invision something different. Maybe it's a broken toy, or maybe a broken dish that use to be a favorite. Techies may think broken code and still other think, "man, I am flat Broke." But I can honestly say that I've seen broken and looked into her face and my heart hurt, my soul ached for this woman.

This woman is Anna Nicole Smith. How can that be, you ask? Well, yes, I've often looked at her as your typical "dumb blonde" in that Jessica Simpson way, I have NOTHING against blondes (Hi Bri!), and I've thought things such as "when will she just shut up" to "this woman is just gross". I know people have critisized her for marrying that old, extremely wealthy man and I've always said to that "if that man wanted someone to live out the rest of his days with, and it was Anna Nicole, then so be it."

So yeah, I jumped on the bandwagon of making fun of Anna Nicole Smith and her valley-girl stupidity, redneck ways, even if she did or didn't make it up.

But then, I saw an interview that she gave, after the death of her son, Daniel and after the birth of her daughter. And I saw such an intense grief on that woman's face that it rocked me to my very core. There was no faking it, there was no being dumb, being silly nor playing the role of "dumb blonde".

Like a wild animal, she looked anguished and pained, her eyes were empty, save for the tears, yet, they were full of emotion, as if they were searching for an answer, as if they were searching for her Daniel. But she couldn't seem to get the words out and the words that came out, were quickly followed by tears. My heart broke for that woman and I had to stop watching because I started crying.

I am not a mother, I do not know what it is like to lose a child, to lose a part of you, to lose your heart. But I do know this, I have seen a deep seeded grief that consumes someone whole. I have seen Broken.


Blogger dirk.mancuso said...

I want to believe she is sincere but a little part of me wonders how much of that is her coming off a high.

I know...I'm such a jaded and bitter bitch.

9:45 AM  
Blogger CP said...

You're a love jr. I haven't gotten on the ANS bandwagon with the others who want to make fun of her, because there is no greater pain in this world than losing a child. And, unlike most, I know the bittersweet feeling of having a child and losing a child within a few days of one another. My boys were twins. My one son died at birth. Nick made it. So, while I rejoiced over one, I grieved over the other. The woman just gave birth and lost her son, the love of her life, within three days of one another. She's very confused, undoubtably, and distraught. While on a day to day basis, I think this woman is as dumb as a stump...I can't help but feel deep rooted pain for her. More than likely, she IS coming off some sort of drug induced haze. I had to be medicated for a long time, following the death of my son. Then, I realized...hello? you have two other children that need you. Get the hell up and start being their mother.

That day will come for Anna too.


1:33 PM  
Blogger Big Pissy said...

I've always made fun of ANS, but I DO feel incredibly sorry for her right now.

I cannot imagine losing a child on the heels of giving birth to another....

I don't know that there would be enough medication in the world for me if something were to happen to one of my children.

6:06 PM  

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