Monday, January 08, 2007

Have a Happy Period

A Co-worker sent this to me. Enjoy.

Ok so Always, the brand that makes pads, is on this whole "have a happy period" kick. Now they put it on their pads, ya know on the little piece of paper that covers the adhesive side, yup in some nice little feminine script it says "have a Happy Period." I see that shit and I'm like what the's bad enough that they actually say that crap in commercials like i'm really gonna stop and think and be like...wait...I never thought of that...all this time i've just decided to be bitchy, and bloated, and broken out, and crampy and in tears during my period, when all along i could've been having happy periods. On the beach in a bikini (maybe an itsy bitsy teenie weenie yellow polka dot one), or in a coffee shop with my girlfriends who also have their period, but you wouldn't know it cuz we're all just so fucking happy about it. Forget the fact that I'm bleeding like a slaughtered pig, forget the fact that I now have to walk around wearing a fucking diaper hoping I don't bleed on everything, forget the fact that now I'm horny as fuck but can't get any and guys must know when a girl has her period and find us extra attractive cuz they always wanna try to touch your ass on those 5 fucking days a month that you've gotta wear this mini diaper and period panties, and when u ask them not to touch your ass they always gotta fucking ask why, CUZ I'M ON MY FUCKING PERIOD YOU MORON, forget the fact that I'm already bloated but craving french fries, potato chips, chocolate, cake...chocolate cake. Forget all that shit and have happy period. HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO HAVE A HAPPY PERIOD!!?? You can fucking suggest the shit, why don't you give some pointers. Maybe it involves a whole lot of valium, And you know normally I would think that some dimwitted dick came up with that slogan, but no I'm sure it was some high powered business woman in her navy blue skirt suit and stilletto pumps trying to show that she can make it in a mans world...I bet she doesn't have happy periods, i bet she takes fucking birth control year round so that she has no periods, so that instead of spending a week with premenstrual syndrome, a week on her period, another week with post menstrual syndrom and then another week dreding that in a week she's gonna be PMSing again she can have the time to come up with nifty slogans as if telling me to have a happy period is gonna make me buy your product more, like theres something extra special about your pad. Guess what bitch, you've got a product that people are gonna buy whether u advertise for it or not... it's like gasoline, or toothpaste, or condoms we're gonna buy it no matter what, we have to, we need it to survive . so FUCK YOU and fuck your happy period.


Blogger april said...

I cannot read your posts. Apparently the words are all white, as is the background. I can only see the titles. But I hope you're having a happy period! =)

11:56 AM  
Blogger Softball Slut said...

I was not having a happy period, but when you sent this to me I laughed. I posted it too on my site

10:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How fitting. My comment just disappeared.

Where was I?

First thought: Has Laurie seen this yet?!

Second thought: Flashback to my last period AKA proof that each one just gets worse.

Fuck. Ing. Love. It.

3:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

On behalf of all women- Thank You.

Funniest thing I have read in a long, long time!

You've made my day!


4:17 PM  
Blogger dirk.mancuso said...

I feel like anything I say here will result in my being pelted with stones and garbage, so I will just leave this nice box of Godiva chocolates and back away slowly...

8:59 AM  

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