I Cannot WAIT!

For This.

I Attract The Freaks

Honestly...I get this IM out of the blue because I had hit "reply all" in an email chain...WHY ME!

For the record, Atlanta isn't close to Florida, it's at least 6 hours away, I don't care that you're taking a shower and that you work in Healthcare, I don't even KNOW YOU.

CNAJAM57 (2:06:28 PM): where is the room:-(
CNAJAM57 (2:06:47 PM): now i have to go to work....booooo
Obear29 (2:07:03 PM): who are you?
CNAJAM57 (2:07:29 PM): janet
CNAJAM57 (2:07:38 PM): JAMtoit57
Obear29 (2:07:42 PM): OH
Obear29 (2:07:45 PM): sorry
CNAJAM57 (2:07:45 PM): HI
CNAJAM57 (2:07:49 PM): ok
Obear29 (2:08:14 PM): I'm at work, and can't access chat
CNAJAM57 (2:08:38 PM): ohh
CNAJAM57 (2:08:45 PM): unavailable anyway
CNAJAM57 (2:08:57 PM): unless ur a rocket scientist with lots a time
Obear29 (2:09:19 PM): I think the key is "lots of time"
CNAJAM57 (2:09:31 PM): lol tooo true
CNAJAM57 (2:09:36 PM): what's ur name
Obear29 (2:09:58 PM): J-
Obear29 (2:10:05 PM): that's what I go by
CNAJAM57 (2:10:09 PM): ok
CNAJAM57 (2:10:12 PM): HI J
CNAJAM57 (2:10:38 PM): u have forward me mail
CNAJAM57 (2:10:46 PM): so ur on my buddy list
Obear29 (2:10:48 PM): oh I probably hit reply all
CNAJAM57 (2:10:57 PM): I am glad
CNAJAM57 (2:11:20 PM): not a creep or a guy
CNAJAM57 (2:11:20 PM): lol
CNAJAM57 (2:11:24 PM): where are u working
Obear29 (2:11:47 PM): Atlanta
CNAJAM57 (2:11:54 PM): ohhh close
CNAJAM57 (2:11:59 PM): <<CNAJAM57 (2:12:03 PM): Healthcare
CNAJAM57 (2:12:25 PM): nice to see u
CNAJAM57 (2:12:28 PM): better go
CNAJAM57 (2:12:32 PM): :-)
CNAJAM57 (2:12:36 PM): HAGD
Obear29 (2:13:00 PM): you too
CNAJAM57 (2:13:08 PM): smile
CNAJAM57 (2:13:15 PM): I dare ya
CNAJAM57 (2:13:16 PM): lol
Obear29 (2:13:58 PM): as soon as I figure out why someone didn't get paid, I will
Auto Response from CNAJAM57 (2:13:59 PM): I wish U happiness
CNAJAM57 (2:14:17 PM): i have my ck early too
CNAJAM57 (2:14:21 PM): ;-)
CNAJAM57 (2:14:24 PM): XO
CNAJAM57 (2:14:31 PM): U shall figure it out
CNAJAM57 (2:14:50 PM): can i
CNAJAM57 (2:14:51 PM): lol
Obear29 (2:15:16 PM): can you what?
CNAJAM57 (2:15:26 PM): Have MY ck early
CNAJAM57 (2:15:28 PM): lol
CNAJAM57 (2:16:10 PM): 8-)
CNAJAM57 (2:16:20 PM): Jumpin in the shower now
CNAJAM57 (2:16:33 PM): byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Hard to believe, but not so much

You know...it chaps my ass that some people I work with make far more than I do and can't do simple things like Power Point presentations, Excel sheets, etc, but I have to pick up their slack because I'm asked to do so? WTF? And I'll do it because I do like where I work, but come on.

Big bad ass Account Executive, with their own office hasn't worked for 2 hours this morning because the wireless mouse and keyboard went dead...actually no, it didn't, it was in sleep mode and they didn't know how to "wake" it up. So they had to wait for the IT person, to push.a.fucking.button.

How's THAT for job security!

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving Y'All!

Manners, Party of One....

Ok, so I just have to say this. A co-worker comes over to my desk to chat, yes we do that here, we chat and the first thing out of her mouth is "your nose looks shiny." I said "what? what do you mean it looks shiny?", thinking that maybe, just maybe I had not rubbed in all the lotion on put on my face.

She goes on to say, "when you looked up and the light hit it, your nose looked shiny, you know, oily." Insert my RCA Nipper look here. So, I trying to play it off, after all I am at work, say "oh, well yeah, I'm trying to perfect my impersonation as a spotlight, did it work?". She says "Oh I thought maybe you were going for Rudolph."

SOOOOOO now my nose is RED and Shiny? What am I, W.C. Fields? Then she goes on like nothing happened. In that moment I thought, well shit, now let me go make an appointment at the Clinique counter (see how GIRLY!) and see what they can do for me.

Shiny nose...bite my shiny ass.

Tales From the Deep South

So...I get a call from my Sheriff friend, who resides in the deep south, again and she says, "guess what I have in the backseat of my patrol car?". Secretly I hoped it was the girl who stood me up, but no. Before I could answer she says "I mean, guess who I have in the backseat of my patrol car?", and I said "no idea". She says a 2 month old, baby boy.

Uh yeah...I paused too and then said "um....what can a 2 month old possibly"...and my voice trailed off, only to be replaced with me saying "um why?"

Here's why.

Seems like momma thinks the baby cries too much, he's colicky, she put him OUTSIDE in the yard and oh yeah...the BOYFRIEND doesn't like it either. "IT" being the baby, not the colic.

Apparently this is not the first time, so my friend was taking the boy to his grandmother's while DHS was on it's way to visit, what is typically known as a poor excuse for a mother.

I WISH I was making this up, but...no.

I Got Robbed

All I have to say is SCREW YOU CAMPBELL'S SOUPS for giving me half, yes HALF a can of one of my favorite soups, Italian Wedding.

I open the can and lo and behold, HALF FULL! What? Someone get married at the canning plant and took half of every can? (that was a stupid thought, lol) And THEN I had to fish out the little pastas because they STUCK to the inside of the can?

So SCREW YOU...and don't go fuckin' with my tomato soup or it's ON!

Welcome to Georgia and....

It's my 200th post. YAY ME!

Welcome to Georgia

This is for anyone who lives in Atlanta, has ever lived in Atlanta,
has ever visited Atlanta, ever plans to visit Atlanta, knows anyone who
already lives in Atlanta, or knows anyone who has ever heard of
Atlanta


Atlanta is composed mostly of one-way streets. The only way to get out
Of downtown Atlanta is to turnaround and start over when you reach
Greenville, South Carolina.

All directions start with, "Go down Peachtree" and include the phrase,
"When you see the Waffle House." Except that in Cobb County, where all
directions begin with, "From the Big Chicken."

Peachtree Street has no beginning and no end and is not to be confused
with:
Peachtree Circle
Peachtree Place
Peachtree Lane
Peachtree Road
Peachtree Parkway
Peachtree Run
Peachtree Terrace
Peachtree Avenue
Peachtree Commons
Peachtree Battle
Peachtree Corners
New Peachtree
Old Peachtree
West Peachtree
Peachtree-Dunwoody
Peachtree-Chamblee, or
Peachtree Industrial Boulevard

Atlantans only know their way to work and their way home. If you ask
anyone for directions, they will always send you down Peachtree.
And yes, they have a street named simply, "Boulevard."

Only a native can pronounce Ponce De Leon Avenue , so do not attempt
the Spanish pronunciation. People will simply tilt their heads to the
right and stare at you. The Atlanta pronunciation is " pawntz duh LEE-awn."

Atlanta is the home of Coca-Cola. Coke's all they drink there so don't
ask for any other soft drink unless it's made by Coca-Cola. Even if
you want something other than a Coca-Cola, it's still called Coke.

The gates at Atlanta's Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport are
about 32 miles away from the Main Concourse, so wear sneakers and pack
a lunch.

The 8 a.m. rush hour is from 6:30 a.m. to 10:30 a.m. The 5 p.m. rush
hour is from 3:00 p.m. to 7:30 pm. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday
afternoon and lasts through 2 a.m. Saturday.

The falling of one raindrop causes all drivers to immediately forget
all traffic rules. If a single snowflake falls, the city is paralyzed for
three days and it's on all the channels as a news flash every 15
minutes for a week. Overnight, all grocery stores will be sold out of milk ,
bread, bottled water, toilet paper, and beer.

I-285, the loop that encircles Atlanta , which has a posted speed
limit of 55 mph (but you have to maintain 80 mph just to keep from getting
run over), is known to truckers as "The Watermelon 500."

Don't believe the directional markers on highways: I-285 is marked
"East" and "West" but you may be going North or South. The locals
identify the direction by referring to the "Inner Loop" and the "Outer
Loop."

If you travel on Hwy 92 North, you will actually be going southeast.

Never buy a ladder or mattress in Atlanta. Just go to one of the
interstates and you will soon find one in the middle of the road.

The last thing you want to do is give another driver the finger,
unless your car is armored, your trigger finger is itchy and your
AK-47 has a full clip.

Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.

There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Georgia

There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Georgia , plus
a couple no one has seen before.

If it grows, it sticks. If it crawls, it bites. If you notice a vine
trying to wrap itself around your leg, you have about 20 seconds to
escape, before you are completely captured and covered with Kudzu, and
never heard from again.

It's not a shopping cart, it's a buggy. "Fixinto" is one word (I'm
fixinto go to the store). Sweet Tea is appropriate for all meals (even
breakfast) and you start drinking it when you're 2 years old.
"Jeet?" is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"
"Momma-nem" means: "How is your Mother and all of the other children
and other members of the family doing?"

If you understand these jokes, forward them to your friends from
Atlanta, and those who just wish they were.

Lordy, I love Jawja!

Hello, PETA....

Isn't Angelina a member of your organization? So then what's UP with the leather pants? Let me guess, pleather? Yeah, no, not buying it.

You'll Blink On This - Trust Me

Ok...I'd say something like what I'm about to tell you only happens in the Deep South, but I know it doesn't. However, this did happen in the Deep South, as relayed by my Sheriff Deputy friend.

She gets to work all the sexual assault cases because she's a woman, lucky her, I know. So she gets a call, sexual assault on a 5 year old girl, yes 5. She does what she needs to do, takes the kid to the hospital, stays with her, the nurse does and exam, sure enough, there's evidence and there's "blue stuff" on the child's genitals.

Signs point to the 11 year old cousin, so yes, they are cousins. He denies it of course, they examine him and there's "blue stuff" on his penis, so they know it's him. No, I don't know how it was that they got to examine the 11 year old too, but they did.

The 11 year old's mom, are you sitting down?, She doesn't see ANYTHING wrong with it, they're just kids, they're "curious". It's pretty much cut and dry until the mom gets a LAWYER to fight it, because she "doesn't want her child to be known as THAT!"

So today, my friend is sitting in court, wasting her time on what is CLEARLY a case of an 11 year old basically trying to fuck his 5 year old cousin.

Oh and the "blue stuff"...blue popsicle...he used it for "lube". But I suppose that's just curiosity too.

Help Me Out Here

You think they could've found a better photo for this ad, no?